Things I miss

It seems that every single time I blog, it's angry, sad or something. Well, today, is not the day that it'll be different. Sigh. I'm just feeling down. Well, I wasn't a couple of hours ago. Cause I made the mistake of looking at my previous texts a few minutes a go. That brought my whole heart down. It felt heavy and I couldn't lift my own mood out. I tried to. But. I can't seem to do that cause I miss everything.

I miss everything about you. The way we used to talk. The way we'd text. Man. I miss you actually. Amelia Lim, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. Heck. I'm sorry to everyone. To everyone I've ever hated or bore a grudge. I never feel that good afterwards. But then, you should know how stubborn I am. Sigh. I hate it how my ego and short tempers put me in these spots.

Look. I suppose you guys should know a bit of my family background. Sigh. I was terrible. You want to know something ? The real reason why my we emigrated was because of me. When I was around 3, I was a tattle tale. I was beaten by my parents whenever I did something wrong. There were always those lines either at my bottom, or at my legs and occasionally back. I couldn't stand it. I told my grandparents. I was too small to know anything. In the end, we were kicked out of the house. We were staying at my grandfather's shop. I was too small. Really. In the end, we moved around.

For nine months, we were out in Indonesia, no income, nowhere to call home. We jumped from hotel to hotel, sometimes, staying in the hotel for a few weeks at a go. Life was full of flights in the wee hours of the morning. And checking into hotels. My sis haven't even reached 1 year old. And we were moving from place to place. Her first birthday cake was a muffin. I could never lived that down. So now, when I've grown older from then, I'll give her the best. Nothing but the best. We may fight but I will be her older sister. No matter what.

Anyway, we were without friends for 9 months. When we first reached Singapore, my first comment was to be appalled at the cleanliness of this place. This was so much cleaner than everything else. We've stayed in Toraja, the countryside of Indonesia. We've stayed at rest-stops and even though life was not that easy, it was fun. Surprisingly, I was never alone. My mum was by my side, along with my sister. I love them, though they irritate me sometimes, but then again, who doesn't ?

I grew up, remembering my grandfather as a man who smoked, played golf and coops himself in the business and in his room. I remember one night, my dad brought me to my grandfather's room to apologize, don't know for what, but I was angry at my dad for a long while.


That's all for now. Blogging soon.


P.S this was a draft a couple of weeks ago ... PAISEH