Sigh. This is rather annoying. Well, we just had a 3 day 2 nights camp, which I wasn't allowed to stay overnight cause I had family stuffs. So I skipped it, you know why ? Cause 1 of my cousins was in town. Really. And I just got scolding. Cause I went for trainings, and didn't ask her to go out and stuffs. Seriously. Mother, if you can see this, please know that you're dear daughter did not go out to have fun these few days, instead, she was working hard to play and train well for next year's competition. Thanks to you, she couldn't stay overnight there and missed out on a lot of bonding time.
Goddamnit. Yesterday saw a whole bunch of softballers working at the school bookshop. Really. If a certain someone wasn't there, I would have visited. But no, you just had to be there, did you ? I swear, I hate you, and now, I still do, if you know who you are, please get out of my sight, and don't ever let me see your face again. You know, I had to even try to avoid the people I had lots of bonds with. Even your damn best friend. That stupid girl, go out buy lunch, must so exact to meet until. I WANT TO PUKE.
Ugh. Nevermind all that. To easily sum up the last few days, I don't like softballers, I saw them, and they had gotten darker, (obviously) and I'm getting more scolding cause I'm a teen, who's got no freedom to go out with friends, has a phobia of rumours, got a damn crush on someone, getting scolding from my mom, cursed by many others, and I am a terrible host as well as relative. I don't know why, but I'd rather go out with friends, rather than with relatives. Maybe it's because I get to choose who I'm with, not forced to go out with someone pre-destined ?
Anyways, YAY. Today, I AM SO HAPPY. AND SHY. AND HAPPY. MOSTLY HAPPY. To start things off, Coach didn't scold me as much ! :) He never scold me for serving the ball out but today really no feel to serve nicely. He didn't scold me if I set too much to the spiker's body, and he never scold me for not really taking the second ball. DAMN HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Hurray. :) Quoting a tweet from my fellow teammate, " Setter dont get the glory of winning the score, but without a setter there isnt spiker. Setter, the most important player :) " <3 YAY. I feel so happy ! :D I don't know whether it's for me, but I love her ! Thanks for tweeting that cause it made my day. :)
Today my coach told the team, about a libero who fought for her bit of credit. Well, she deserved it, I mean, without a good first ball, the ball cannot be set. But really, I now feel for all the setters. I know how they feel, they're like the foundations to a magnificent structure. They support the team. Spikers are like the statue with the great I'm not blowing my horn here, but I really feel I should have appreciated my own past setters. She was perfect. Quick, nimble, hardworking, daring and talented. Miss her so much. The last one I had was Tiffany. She's tall, should've been a blocker, Ahlian type and reminds me of Pauline. It seems that everyone in the current team has had led me to be reminded of past teammates. Man, I'd give anything to have another match with primary school volleyballers. :)
Anyway, that's not the happiest thing today ! The happiest thing. Well, I don't know how to put it, but everytime I think about it, my heart jumps ! :) Damn. I really have fallen for someone I'm not supposed to. But really, today, somehow, while randomly picking out a number for the gift exchange, I got hers !!! :D My god. It looked so nice ! I love it. Damn. She made it so nicely. I think I might have embarrassed her... I asked who made it. And well, she's being herself. :P I know it's not normal, but everytime I think about it, I blush and get so happy. I know it might have meant for someone else, but it's pretty damn cool. I love it. This may be wrong, but really, I think I've fallen for you. :) Damn.
Oh shit. I fell asleep. So technically, all my todays refer to yesterday, but I'm too lazy to change. :) I'm still so happy. Goodness. :O Time to calm myself down. Such a special person. I can't stop thinking. But I'm happy at the very least. Unfortunately, she just came out of a relationship. Damn. I'll try ? But I don't wanna force. If she doesn't want, then it's fine with me. I'm not better than her previous stead, but I'll do anything to make her happy. She won't want me, but I'll just do my best to make her happy. :) That's all I want. Her to be happy. :)
Okay. So I am a butch. I'm weird. Get over it. But I know I'm just gonna be here, loving someone, watching her always love someone else. By the looks of it, I'm not her type. Oh well. I'm just gonna be here, me being me. I'll be there for her. Anything for you babe. <3
Love you.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Volleyball and Life.
Volleyball is my damn life. And yet, I'm growing to hate it. Or maybe I'm just losing the passion. Sigh. I am just that bad of a person. I used to feel guilty if I skip training. But now, all I want is to skip. There's something definitely wrong with me. Sigh. I am wrong in so many ways. Look. I loved it. But now... I don't know. I feel like. I'm so useless in the sport. So, why bother anymore. I just am not worthy of the team. Why would anyone want to play with me ? I'm selfish, annoying, rather awkward, irresponsible and useless. Why am I still playing this ? My teammates train harder than me. What can I do ? Get scolding, be stubborn , even though it ain't any of my choice. Am I really that bad ? Can I just jump down from a building and die ? No one would even care anyway. So why bother living ? My mum also say how great would it be if we all dies faster. Well, I want that. Right now.
And yes. I think suicidal thoughts sometimes. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a weak person. I should try dying soon, so that the volleyball team can play normally, my family has one less disappointment and one less mouth to feed, as well as friends who don't have to put up with me anymore. I just can't do anything right. I want to help. I don't want to go. I don't want to face the coach or the team. I don't like. I just wanna stay home and cry. I'm a girl. Can I skip trainings for once ? I just want to take a break. Please. Let me be who I want to be, not some robot to be controlled my the damn coach, or be the one the team always depends on. Why must it be me ? I'd rathe just play normally. With my primary school friends. No pressure, just fun. Why can't I just have fun. Is that so wrong ? I don't want come for trainings. I want to go there to play volleyball with my friends.
Yes yes. I will not bring my emotions. All that's left of me, is an empty void of nothingness. Just leave me here. I'm an empty shell. Just step on me like you would. Pick me up, then throw me into the sea. You know that he waves would eventually bring me back to you anyway. It's just a matter of time before I sink. I'm sick and tired of everybody. I just want to die. And I'm 14. I know I need help. But. I'm afraid. I'm a loser. I'm a disappointment. I'm a mistake. A failure. A useless person. why can't I do anything right ? Please. Just let me be myself. Leave me alone. I can be whoever I wanna be. And tomorrow, I choose to be emo. I lost my happiness. I'm nothing. I'd run in front of a car right now to get into an accident. But all I cannot do, is let an innocent person feel the guilt throughout their life, knowing that they killed a girl.
My friends don't need me. They have other friends. My parents don't need me. They've got my younger sister. My teachers don't need me. They have smarter children to be proud of. My teammates don't need me. They have substitutes. So tell me why I should live and not kill myself ? By being dead, I consume less food, water, oxygen and space. Why would anyone want me ? I'm the worst thing that happened to this world. I failed as a child, I failed as a team player, I fail as a friend, I fail as a student, I fail as a human. Why bother trying so hard anymore ? People would only scold me and hurt me with words. I take them into deep consideration. Why won't you just think about what you say ? I'm better off dead. Many people are in need of organs as well. They can have mine. I'll be doing a great job. I can send the leftovers after organ transplants to be used for science. What else could I do ? I can do do much better dead than alive. So why bother living ?
And yes. I think suicidal thoughts sometimes. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a weak person. I should try dying soon, so that the volleyball team can play normally, my family has one less disappointment and one less mouth to feed, as well as friends who don't have to put up with me anymore. I just can't do anything right. I want to help. I don't want to go. I don't want to face the coach or the team. I don't like. I just wanna stay home and cry. I'm a girl. Can I skip trainings for once ? I just want to take a break. Please. Let me be who I want to be, not some robot to be controlled my the damn coach, or be the one the team always depends on. Why must it be me ? I'd rathe just play normally. With my primary school friends. No pressure, just fun. Why can't I just have fun. Is that so wrong ? I don't want come for trainings. I want to go there to play volleyball with my friends.
Yes yes. I will not bring my emotions. All that's left of me, is an empty void of nothingness. Just leave me here. I'm an empty shell. Just step on me like you would. Pick me up, then throw me into the sea. You know that he waves would eventually bring me back to you anyway. It's just a matter of time before I sink. I'm sick and tired of everybody. I just want to die. And I'm 14. I know I need help. But. I'm afraid. I'm a loser. I'm a disappointment. I'm a mistake. A failure. A useless person. why can't I do anything right ? Please. Just let me be myself. Leave me alone. I can be whoever I wanna be. And tomorrow, I choose to be emo. I lost my happiness. I'm nothing. I'd run in front of a car right now to get into an accident. But all I cannot do, is let an innocent person feel the guilt throughout their life, knowing that they killed a girl.
My friends don't need me. They have other friends. My parents don't need me. They've got my younger sister. My teachers don't need me. They have smarter children to be proud of. My teammates don't need me. They have substitutes. So tell me why I should live and not kill myself ? By being dead, I consume less food, water, oxygen and space. Why would anyone want me ? I'm the worst thing that happened to this world. I failed as a child, I failed as a team player, I fail as a friend, I fail as a student, I fail as a human. Why bother trying so hard anymore ? People would only scold me and hurt me with words. I take them into deep consideration. Why won't you just think about what you say ? I'm better off dead. Many people are in need of organs as well. They can have mine. I'll be doing a great job. I can send the leftovers after organ transplants to be used for science. What else could I do ? I can do do much better dead than alive. So why bother living ?
Monday, December 12, 2011
It's December already.
Woah. Time passes so damn fast. Gasp. I wonder how many other people know that I've got a blog... Makes me wonder. Sigh. It's weird. Actually, I'm weird. While everybody else out there has got a blog for other people to see and read, I don't exactly want mine to be found. I guess I'm just that emo. Or maybe I have a small minded way of thinking... Anyway, today, AMELIA GOT TWITTER ~~~ YAAAYYYYYY. Finally, she can do her own stalking ~~ :D Hahahaha. That's one thing to be happy about anyway. Sigh. I can't figure out why am I so emo. WHY AM I WEIRD. :( I'm goddamn weird.
It's December already. 11 months of the year gone. I spent most of it with a couple of friends from the other class. I thought, it was great. But no. I've learnt my lesson. I'm never going to be close to them ever again. I don't like them now. I thought they were my best friends. But there's a reason why it's called best friend. It means it's the best. Sigh. I told them before. My mum was against them. I will fall under influence easily. Guess what. I really did. And now, I really do hate you. To the core. I hate all softballers. I hate them to the fucking core. I can't mix with them. And I won't ever again. I will keep my distance. I've lost faith in having friends like this. It's just too different. I will not fall for the same trick or get hurt again. I don't like you or your friends. Now, I want you to leave me alone.
Sigh. I have always been the type to be nice to my friends, and I can and will be ruthless to my enemies. I don't like them. I will be nice to those who are nice to me. I will be nice to my friend's friend if I have to. I am the type to fall under influence easily. I will get influenced and will change my mind and viewpoint of you. But if I've told you, I'll be there for you, I will be. No matter what. But I don't like it when you ignore me when I try to cheer you up.
I'm just like that. I don't like you ignoring me. But if you really do, I will either put the anger and sadness into something else, or I will destroy something. In this case. I don't want to be your friend no more. This is complicated. I've lost faith in everything. But all I want to lead my own life, without you or your friends. I admit, I was regretful that we drifted, but now I don't. I know what I want. It's not you.
Emo posts are such a turn off. But I think this will be a long one. Now, moving on.
Volleyball. Love the sport. Losing the passion. I have had enough of the coach scolding me. I swear. It's a matter of time before I quit. I can't stand it, having him keep on scolding me. Do you think I want it to be this way ? I'm trying my best. But this is only the second year I'm learning to set. Do you understand that ? Do you think it's fucking easy to learn it ? Do you ? If you want to have a better setter, go ahead. I don't mind. Go ahead. Get your own setter. I don't wanna be either. I'm not your dog. Don't say I didn't try hard enough. I did. I tried my best. Sorry if my best wasn't enough for you. Go get another setter. Replace me. I'm used to it. I don't wanna play either. You're the worst coach ever. I hate you.
Instead of giving me hope, what do you give me ? You give me disappointment. You give me all the reasons why I should just quit right now. Why should I continue on something I worked so hard for but you don't appreciate either. It's like you're cooking something you took time and effort. Then you give it to someone who you care about. In the end, they tell you, "Oh. I've eaten. But I've tasted it. It tasted awful. Go throw it away, before it poisons somebody." How would you feel ? I feel terrible. I feel like I let down the team. I feel like I'm no longer important. I feel like I'm the person who brings everyone down. Why is it so difficult just to understand that what I did was my best ? I tried my hardest but it wasn't good enough. I swear, I have had enough of you scoldings. Why is it that you can't just appreciate me or tell me slowly and praise me when I do well ? Even seeds get sunlight and warmth to grow. Why is it I only get darkness and rain ? Tell me, is it fair ? I used to take pride that I am one of the more experienced players. Now ? I just think how useless I am, how I am disposable, how irritating and stubborn I am. Thanks for making me feel this way, coach. Thank you. Now my self-esteem is gone and I don't know how to face my teammates. I feel like a jerk and yet it wasn't based on my own choice. Thanks a lot.
Sigh. This is one depressing post. Anyway, to sum it up, I am no longer on good terms with softballers, I hate myself for playing volleyball and I now have low self-esteem. There you have it. My life story.
Now, I am like crying. Cause I feel so damn upset. Thinking about so many things. My mind just won't leave me alone. Sigh. Forget it. Must force myself to be happy.
The happy things... I went to Indonesia. For church stuff. I ate a lot. Ate my childhood favourites. :) And I like a girl. I am an official butch. There. I said it. Damn. I want a girlfriend to cherish, to love, to care and to protect. :) Hahahahah. Cheering myself up by thinking about her. (CHECKED) :D Hahahaha. Oh well.
This is one long post. I'm done ranting now. Hahaha. Goodbye bloggers. For now
It's December already. 11 months of the year gone. I spent most of it with a couple of friends from the other class. I thought, it was great. But no. I've learnt my lesson. I'm never going to be close to them ever again. I don't like them now. I thought they were my best friends. But there's a reason why it's called best friend. It means it's the best. Sigh. I told them before. My mum was against them. I will fall under influence easily. Guess what. I really did. And now, I really do hate you. To the core. I hate all softballers. I hate them to the fucking core. I can't mix with them. And I won't ever again. I will keep my distance. I've lost faith in having friends like this. It's just too different. I will not fall for the same trick or get hurt again. I don't like you or your friends. Now, I want you to leave me alone.
Sigh. I have always been the type to be nice to my friends, and I can and will be ruthless to my enemies. I don't like them. I will be nice to those who are nice to me. I will be nice to my friend's friend if I have to. I am the type to fall under influence easily. I will get influenced and will change my mind and viewpoint of you. But if I've told you, I'll be there for you, I will be. No matter what. But I don't like it when you ignore me when I try to cheer you up.
I'm just like that. I don't like you ignoring me. But if you really do, I will either put the anger and sadness into something else, or I will destroy something. In this case. I don't want to be your friend no more. This is complicated. I've lost faith in everything. But all I want to lead my own life, without you or your friends. I admit, I was regretful that we drifted, but now I don't. I know what I want. It's not you.
Emo posts are such a turn off. But I think this will be a long one. Now, moving on.
Volleyball. Love the sport. Losing the passion. I have had enough of the coach scolding me. I swear. It's a matter of time before I quit. I can't stand it, having him keep on scolding me. Do you think I want it to be this way ? I'm trying my best. But this is only the second year I'm learning to set. Do you understand that ? Do you think it's fucking easy to learn it ? Do you ? If you want to have a better setter, go ahead. I don't mind. Go ahead. Get your own setter. I don't wanna be either. I'm not your dog. Don't say I didn't try hard enough. I did. I tried my best. Sorry if my best wasn't enough for you. Go get another setter. Replace me. I'm used to it. I don't wanna play either. You're the worst coach ever. I hate you.
Instead of giving me hope, what do you give me ? You give me disappointment. You give me all the reasons why I should just quit right now. Why should I continue on something I worked so hard for but you don't appreciate either. It's like you're cooking something you took time and effort. Then you give it to someone who you care about. In the end, they tell you, "Oh. I've eaten. But I've tasted it. It tasted awful. Go throw it away, before it poisons somebody." How would you feel ? I feel terrible. I feel like I let down the team. I feel like I'm no longer important. I feel like I'm the person who brings everyone down. Why is it so difficult just to understand that what I did was my best ? I tried my hardest but it wasn't good enough. I swear, I have had enough of you scoldings. Why is it that you can't just appreciate me or tell me slowly and praise me when I do well ? Even seeds get sunlight and warmth to grow. Why is it I only get darkness and rain ? Tell me, is it fair ? I used to take pride that I am one of the more experienced players. Now ? I just think how useless I am, how I am disposable, how irritating and stubborn I am. Thanks for making me feel this way, coach. Thank you. Now my self-esteem is gone and I don't know how to face my teammates. I feel like a jerk and yet it wasn't based on my own choice. Thanks a lot.
Sigh. This is one depressing post. Anyway, to sum it up, I am no longer on good terms with softballers, I hate myself for playing volleyball and I now have low self-esteem. There you have it. My life story.
Now, I am like crying. Cause I feel so damn upset. Thinking about so many things. My mind just won't leave me alone. Sigh. Forget it. Must force myself to be happy.
The happy things... I went to Indonesia. For church stuff. I ate a lot. Ate my childhood favourites. :) And I like a girl. I am an official butch. There. I said it. Damn. I want a girlfriend to cherish, to love, to care and to protect. :) Hahahahah. Cheering myself up by thinking about her. (CHECKED) :D Hahahaha. Oh well.
This is one long post. I'm done ranting now. Hahaha. Goodbye bloggers. For now
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Coming out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think I may be a butch. I mean, I'm not too sure... Just maybe. Gosh. I'm dead if my parents found out about this... :( Sigh. I think I like a girl. I mean seriously. GOD. Slowly, I'm falling deeper in love with her... All I can think about is being with her all day long. MY GOODNESS. I cannot do that. I won't do that.
Sigh. I can't express how much I like her. Really. I am girl and all, but all I want is to become the guy side of the relationship. I want to hug her. Give her security and warmth. Tell her she's beautiful. Bring her out to do all her favourite stuffs. I don't mind. Whatever thing she wants to do. All I want is just to spend more time. Is that wrong? I mean. I like girls. Hmm. That's kind of wrong. I'm not too sure. Sigh. Society would look down on me. All I want is to be accepted. But of course. I can't go out yet.
It's killing me. Her hair. Her laugh. Her character. My goodness. I can't ! I mustn't ! I must stay strong. I just realized, everytime, during the holidays, I will get close to a particular group of people. That's when I'll make the best of time and start bonding. It all depends with who I hang out with. My goodness. All I want is to be normal. In this society. Sigh. I want to be normal. But I can't help it if I like a girl. I promise you, I will be the best guy ever. I'll do anything you want. I can be whatever you want me to be. I am confident that I can hold you tight when you're scared, cheer you up when you're upset, hug you, when you need a hug. I can be all that. But I need to have the courage. :( That's all I'm lacking.
My god. I am seriously a butch. Sigh. I really am. :( I can't help it.
Well, I guess I'm dead. Sigh. But I will become the wall for you to lean back on. If you need me, I'll be here. I'll catch and piece back together every single piece of any broken heart and slowly put them back together. I'll be here.
Because, you're like the air that I breathe, I can't live without you... :)
XOXOXOXOXOXOX :)
Sigh. I can't express how much I like her. Really. I am girl and all, but all I want is to become the guy side of the relationship. I want to hug her. Give her security and warmth. Tell her she's beautiful. Bring her out to do all her favourite stuffs. I don't mind. Whatever thing she wants to do. All I want is just to spend more time. Is that wrong? I mean. I like girls. Hmm. That's kind of wrong. I'm not too sure. Sigh. Society would look down on me. All I want is to be accepted. But of course. I can't go out yet.
It's killing me. Her hair. Her laugh. Her character. My goodness. I can't ! I mustn't ! I must stay strong. I just realized, everytime, during the holidays, I will get close to a particular group of people. That's when I'll make the best of time and start bonding. It all depends with who I hang out with. My goodness. All I want is to be normal. In this society. Sigh. I want to be normal. But I can't help it if I like a girl. I promise you, I will be the best guy ever. I'll do anything you want. I can be whatever you want me to be. I am confident that I can hold you tight when you're scared, cheer you up when you're upset, hug you, when you need a hug. I can be all that. But I need to have the courage. :( That's all I'm lacking.
My god. I am seriously a butch. Sigh. I really am. :( I can't help it.
Well, I guess I'm dead. Sigh. But I will become the wall for you to lean back on. If you need me, I'll be here. I'll catch and piece back together every single piece of any broken heart and slowly put them back together. I'll be here.
Because, you're like the air that I breathe, I can't live without you... :)
XOXOXOXOXOXOX :)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Holidays.
Dang it. The holidays are here. All I want is to go out but Amelia and Pauline got work. :( Damn it. Sigh. I am confused with myself. I don't know what I want. I don't like them, I like them. I look at them, my blood boil. Dang it. I swear, I will have war with softballers. I don't care. I dislike them. Softball and volleyball just don't match with each other. Sigh. The holidays just started. Actually, almost 2 weeks already. I avoid softballers. I see them, it makes me mad. You know what else hurts ? Knowing that your best friend is in softball. I just want to have a normal "Hi, bye" relationship, but everytime I see them, I want to storm off and break something. SERIOUSLY. GODDAMNIT.
Oh. Today I saw Qin En, Angie, Marilyn, Rachel and don't know who else. Even though they never do anything to me, I FEEL DAMN FUCKED UP K. Wah. I swear. Somemore Qin En say never see me. UGH. Don't like her. HMPFH. Not gonna talk to her. :( Sigh. It's complicated. You know, there's a little bit of love in every hate and a little bit of hate in every love? I finally understood that. I loved softball so much that now, it has been replaced with hate. And now, I will never change that feeling. I just want to destroy them. Sigh. I still want to crush everybody's dream. I AM GETTING EVIL-ER BY THE DAY !!! :O Gosh. If this continues, I might just want to rule the world !!! :P LOL. Not gonna happen.
I am starting to like volleyball more. Now, I just need to control my strength. I can serve float ball already ! Very HAPPY. :D But then, I don't like Coach ley. He today. See his own original batch from Outram that come to play friendly match. Wow. Cannot stop singing praises one. Like that. HMPFH. And I don't like he everytime say I got pattern. You know how annoying it is? I, for once, would prefer if we had the friendly attitude, not the "you're just my coach" kind of attitude. I get so freaking jealous over everything. I hate myself. Might as well die then okay.
UGH. I swear. If I can't even maintain my friendship with Qin En, I might as well go bang wall and die. Like seriously. UGH. I am such a terrible friend. :( I am ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry. I just don't like to see softballers. They make my blood boil. It's like smelling a foul smell, I just want to get away as far as I can and as fast as I can. :( I'm sorry for being this way. I just want to be myself. I can't help it. I just treasure my friends a lot. I would do anything for them. Seriously. I am just a mere girl. I can't help my traits. I'm sorry. I'm so terrible. GAHHH. I can go bang wall already. :(
Sigh. I just don't want the same mistake to happen again. Cause I know, if the friendship is over, I'm gonna hate you. For life. Oh well. It's not the present. But if it's you, I'm pretty sure I won't. :) Hopefully.
I wonder if Andrea found this yet. Damn it. It's been so long since her birthday. Don't tell me, she really didn't figure it out. Seriously. She didn't shade the other page ? Or did she throw the card already. Maybe, just maybe she has forgotten about it. Oh well. Maybe that way it's better. Cause I'm not sure I can look at her without feeling anger. Or pissed just cause she's a softballer. UGH.
DAMNIT. I DON'T WANT SOFTBALL TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP I HAVE WITH MY FRIENDS OVER THERE. Well, some of them are mere peers or much more of acquaintances and schoolmates. Sigh. I don't want to think anymore. I will cut again. Seriously. :(
Good night.
Oh. Today I saw Qin En, Angie, Marilyn, Rachel and don't know who else. Even though they never do anything to me, I FEEL DAMN FUCKED UP K. Wah. I swear. Somemore Qin En say never see me. UGH. Don't like her. HMPFH. Not gonna talk to her. :( Sigh. It's complicated. You know, there's a little bit of love in every hate and a little bit of hate in every love? I finally understood that. I loved softball so much that now, it has been replaced with hate. And now, I will never change that feeling. I just want to destroy them. Sigh. I still want to crush everybody's dream. I AM GETTING EVIL-ER BY THE DAY !!! :O Gosh. If this continues, I might just want to rule the world !!! :P LOL. Not gonna happen.
I am starting to like volleyball more. Now, I just need to control my strength. I can serve float ball already ! Very HAPPY. :D But then, I don't like Coach ley. He today. See his own original batch from Outram that come to play friendly match. Wow. Cannot stop singing praises one. Like that. HMPFH. And I don't like he everytime say I got pattern. You know how annoying it is? I, for once, would prefer if we had the friendly attitude, not the "you're just my coach" kind of attitude. I get so freaking jealous over everything. I hate myself. Might as well die then okay.
UGH. I swear. If I can't even maintain my friendship with Qin En, I might as well go bang wall and die. Like seriously. UGH. I am such a terrible friend. :( I am ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry. I just don't like to see softballers. They make my blood boil. It's like smelling a foul smell, I just want to get away as far as I can and as fast as I can. :( I'm sorry for being this way. I just want to be myself. I can't help it. I just treasure my friends a lot. I would do anything for them. Seriously. I am just a mere girl. I can't help my traits. I'm sorry. I'm so terrible. GAHHH. I can go bang wall already. :(
Sigh. I just don't want the same mistake to happen again. Cause I know, if the friendship is over, I'm gonna hate you. For life. Oh well. It's not the present. But if it's you, I'm pretty sure I won't. :) Hopefully.
I wonder if Andrea found this yet. Damn it. It's been so long since her birthday. Don't tell me, she really didn't figure it out. Seriously. She didn't shade the other page ? Or did she throw the card already. Maybe, just maybe she has forgotten about it. Oh well. Maybe that way it's better. Cause I'm not sure I can look at her without feeling anger. Or pissed just cause she's a softballer. UGH.
DAMNIT. I DON'T WANT SOFTBALL TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP I HAVE WITH MY FRIENDS OVER THERE. Well, some of them are mere peers or much more of acquaintances and schoolmates. Sigh. I don't want to think anymore. I will cut again. Seriously. :(
Good night.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Ugh.
I am fucked up. I don't like her. Damn it. I was great friends with her before. Fuck. Don't let me see your fucking face. Knn. I swear. Seriously. I was best friends with Alyaa okay. I can swear. I was too nice. I fucking swear bitch. You know what? Next time, well, there won't be no next time. You know who I'm talking about okay. If you see this, best we don't meet. You have Alyaa. I was too nice. I let go of something so dear to me. I was nice. I was being fair cause you were friends first. I let go cause I didn't want her to be in the middle. I was being nice okay. I let go too soon. I want her back. You bitch. I just wanted you guys to be happy. Even if we meet, you don't have move away do far. Seriously. You made me damn pissed. I mean. I gave her up. I was so nice. I lost so many friends too. I swear. I won't be so nice anymore. Asshole. Don't know how to appreciate. I don't wanna see you guys anymore. I've given up on Alyaa and everyone else. Just let me have one more day with Andrea. That's the only thing I miss.
One thing I don't understand is that you don't have twitter. How the hell did you know about my tweet ? Got spy is it ? Confirm from the other class I say to you. I can roughly guess who. Bitch. I didn't actually hate you, I said it cause I was kinda pissed off by seeing you guys together. Made me more pissed off after you walk away. Then me fucking pissed off by time you guys walked away. Damn it. Now, after see your status, I hate you more. Like seriously.
I won't have anything to do with them anymore. Swear. I won't text, won't see, won't care. Sorry bitch your name ain't in my dictionary. Fuck you. _|_
Well. I don't want bother with you guys. But watch it. I'm starting to hate all of you. Oh. In case you haven't noticed, I take friendships very carefully and treasure them. Be careful. You might just ... Oh well. I have an amazing imagination. Haha. See you bitches eating my dust ~ Now it's no longer more than one. Suck on it cunts and twats. Don't care who anymore. To me, you're all dead.
One thing I don't understand is that you don't have twitter. How the hell did you know about my tweet ? Got spy is it ? Confirm from the other class I say to you. I can roughly guess who. Bitch. I didn't actually hate you, I said it cause I was kinda pissed off by seeing you guys together. Made me more pissed off after you walk away. Then me fucking pissed off by time you guys walked away. Damn it. Now, after see your status, I hate you more. Like seriously.
I won't have anything to do with them anymore. Swear. I won't text, won't see, won't care. Sorry bitch your name ain't in my dictionary. Fuck you. _|_
Well. I don't want bother with you guys. But watch it. I'm starting to hate all of you. Oh. In case you haven't noticed, I take friendships very carefully and treasure them. Be careful. You might just ... Oh well. I have an amazing imagination. Haha. See you bitches eating my dust ~ Now it's no longer more than one. Suck on it cunts and twats. Don't care who anymore. To me, you're all dead.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Volleyball today.
Sigh. Today we played volleyball at ZHPS. I was kinda happy and excited before that ~ But then I was kinda depressed after. I was like so sad. Cause we played with jerks. Damn. I don't like them. I don't like Zhonghua kids. My sister was bullied last year by jerks from ZhongHua. She was the new kid. I'm like. So upset cause my sister came home crying one day last year. Damn. I'm so sad. Sigh. I remembered that. Sad. And then there was this annoying kid. At the side. He pointed middle finger to one of my teammates. I got fed up. Damn. So pissed. Little kids. So fucked up. :(
Played with Celine today ~ She's so nice ~ :D I LIKE SIAH. SHE'S SO NICE !!! TEEHEE. :D
Awkward though. Before we started to get to know each other~~~ Tralalalalalalalala~~~ :D
I AM HYPAAAAAHHHHH~ TEEHEE. :D
Sigh. I am going to let all the feelings out tomorrow during training ~ :/ YOU'RE ALL DOOMED ~~~ >:D
Monday, October 31, 2011
It's the Holidays ~
Well then, the holidays have begun. Hmmm. Today I went to Amelia's house to go gym. I missed council meeting for it. :( I even had to lie to Qin En. I feel so despicable. Damn it. I hate myself for this. Sigh. I feel so guilty. :( I know she hates people who lie and I did that to her. Damn. I'm so despicable and I am the worst possible friend ever ! I HATE MYSELF CAUSE THE GUILT IS EATING ME ALIVE. I wanna make it better. I'm so damn sorry. It's all my fault. I wanna restart. I'm sorry ! :(
Sigh. Me feeling sad won't do anything to make things better. How about I make her forget by making her laugh? :) I'll just do that. Damn it. I'm so sorry ! :( Sigh. Well, now, I'm not too sure I want to patch up with Andrea and Alyaa? I don't wanna get too close anymore. I don't know what I'll do. I don't wanna feel hurt cause I get jealous easily and I don't want people to feel bothered with me anymore. I've decided that I'm not worthy for anyone to be worried about me. I mean like, I don't have a reason to be liked or even loved. Sigh. Gotta blame the genes. My dad's a little skeptical about my mum and it's been the cause of many unwanted family brawls. I know I've got his genes. I know what's gonna happen. I'm afraid of it. I don't want it to be true cause, I don't want to hurt those who I love.
I miss Andrea and Alyaa. But. I've got no face to see them. I mean. I threw A LOT of tantrums. No kidding. I'm sorry for them, but I feel that if I continue to be friends with them, it's not gonna be good for them, and it's not gonna be good for me cause my parents are always against people with darker skin. Damn. :( Anyway, there is no point in having friendship with people from different teams rather than creating stronger bonds with teammates. So now, I'll focus everything I have on volleyball !
I am so dumb. It's now 10 pm. Apparently I'm working tomorrow. It's gonna be my first day ! Woah. I'm kinda scared. Damn it. Haiz. Gotta work as a receptionist ! I don't know how I'll get paid, but I prefer jobs that can let me play at the same time ! :) Nevermind uh ! At least got aircon can already~ :) Hahahahha.
So let's see. I lied to my best friend today. And I feel awfully terrible. :( I am starting work tomorrow. At my mum's office. I am gonna have a friendly match this friday. Sigh. I want to be a normal kid who gets to go out, without problems and without having to feel sad. I wonder how long it'll take for Andrea to see these posts. I wrote the blog address on the left hand side of her card. Makes me wonder, did she threw the card away? Sigh. I ain't that important to nobody. I'm a nobody and I don't want people to be hurt. I feel like I always hurt them. I'm so bad. I'm so evil. I think I'm kinda having depression? Or maybe I'm starting to be suicidal. I'm a terrible person.
This post is ending. I don't want to write anymore. The more I write, the more I think. :( I'm gonna be a nice girl and stop it before I start to do weird stuffs again. Sigh. Thank god it's a blog. If it was a diary, more stuff would come up. Damn. I also realized that most of the things I think about nowadays are more to friendship. I hope I don't fall too deep and hurt myself. :(
Loving my friends too much. And depressed girl. Cheeseball.
Sigh. Me feeling sad won't do anything to make things better. How about I make her forget by making her laugh? :) I'll just do that. Damn it. I'm so sorry ! :( Sigh. Well, now, I'm not too sure I want to patch up with Andrea and Alyaa? I don't wanna get too close anymore. I don't know what I'll do. I don't wanna feel hurt cause I get jealous easily and I don't want people to feel bothered with me anymore. I've decided that I'm not worthy for anyone to be worried about me. I mean like, I don't have a reason to be liked or even loved. Sigh. Gotta blame the genes. My dad's a little skeptical about my mum and it's been the cause of many unwanted family brawls. I know I've got his genes. I know what's gonna happen. I'm afraid of it. I don't want it to be true cause, I don't want to hurt those who I love.
I miss Andrea and Alyaa. But. I've got no face to see them. I mean. I threw A LOT of tantrums. No kidding. I'm sorry for them, but I feel that if I continue to be friends with them, it's not gonna be good for them, and it's not gonna be good for me cause my parents are always against people with darker skin. Damn. :( Anyway, there is no point in having friendship with people from different teams rather than creating stronger bonds with teammates. So now, I'll focus everything I have on volleyball !
I am so dumb. It's now 10 pm. Apparently I'm working tomorrow. It's gonna be my first day ! Woah. I'm kinda scared. Damn it. Haiz. Gotta work as a receptionist ! I don't know how I'll get paid, but I prefer jobs that can let me play at the same time ! :) Nevermind uh ! At least got aircon can already~ :) Hahahahha.
So let's see. I lied to my best friend today. And I feel awfully terrible. :( I am starting work tomorrow. At my mum's office. I am gonna have a friendly match this friday. Sigh. I want to be a normal kid who gets to go out, without problems and without having to feel sad. I wonder how long it'll take for Andrea to see these posts. I wrote the blog address on the left hand side of her card. Makes me wonder, did she threw the card away? Sigh. I ain't that important to nobody. I'm a nobody and I don't want people to be hurt. I feel like I always hurt them. I'm so bad. I'm so evil. I think I'm kinda having depression? Or maybe I'm starting to be suicidal. I'm a terrible person.
This post is ending. I don't want to write anymore. The more I write, the more I think. :( I'm gonna be a nice girl and stop it before I start to do weird stuffs again. Sigh. Thank god it's a blog. If it was a diary, more stuff would come up. Damn. I also realized that most of the things I think about nowadays are more to friendship. I hope I don't fall too deep and hurt myself. :(
Loving my friends too much. And depressed girl. Cheeseball.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Updates.
Well, I'm not feeling that emo anymore. I feel better actually. Hmm. Who knew crying could have so much effect? It makes me feel so much more relaxed. Oh well... I haven't updated the blog in a long time. Dang it. :P Oh well.
Hmm. Now my best friends are like still damn awesome. :) I've got friends to confide in and I feel so much better cause they make me feel like I'm wanted.I know that I have mood swings. I can't help it sometimes. I just want to feel normal sometimes. Sigh. It depressing that I can get jealous of my friends if they get closer to other people more than me. I'm weird. I wonder whether is it a good thing that I put my friends as a priority? I feel like I'm thinking too much sometimes. It's probably just me, missing my old friends where I was more welcome, with people who understood me better and treated me without being so judgmental and skeptical. Is it because of our different capabilities so that's why we're treated differently. Its so different being a teenager and being just a young child. You have different feelings of being accepted. When you were younger, you were friends if you liked each other. But now, there are more factors relating to being friends. If you're not friends with the popular people, you'll never have friends. Now, it's more to doing what's popular rather than what's nice to you. You wouldn't like it if you were looked down for liking something someone else doesn't like. Life's unfair. You were born with the wrong kind of genes, you'll never have friends. You just have to find someone else that accepts you without judging before you can enjoy peace. Or you'll just be a loner and you'll also enjoy peace.
I have friends. I love them. As in like friends. I miss them already. They're the best things that has happened to me ever since I came to this school. My best friends are Andrea, Alyaa and Qin En ~ I don't know whether they feel the same way though. But still. I really wanna spend more time with them. They're like the awesomest people I've ever met. Gosh. I'm obsessed with my friends. Dang. But I kinda felt emo-ish. Then jealous. Then I think I ruined the whole friendship. I feel so sad. I don't know. Maybe its the stress. Maybe it's the environment. Or maybe, it's just me. I miss their hugs. Dang it.
I realize I write lengthy paragraphs. I don't know why either. But it's kinda difficult to read. Damn. I want to let more people know about this blog, but no one would look at it anyways. Sigh.
The EOYs just ended. I got 3rd in the level even though I failed one subject. Like seriously. 37/100. For Higher Mother Tongue. I'm so sad now. Cause I'm supposed to get 2nd. I made sure ! Its just that the stupid Rae go and take my 2nd place by 0.1 marks. She didn't come for the exam and was pro-rated. BITCH. Like that also can. I would do the same. I shall crush you. I don't care. You're making me feel so evil. I just want to crush your dreams Rae. Watch out. I'll come after you. This I swear. Don't make me destroy the very little friends you have. Trust me. I've got my ways.
Anyway, now that I feel evil, I'm gonna let it all out... I don't know why either but she's made me feel so pissed at this school. I feel like working so hard and crushing other people's dreams. I know I'm capable. Let me just unleash the monster in me. I am capable. I will destroy dreams and you will feel like never going back. You'll feel so helpless and completely give up. I know I'm not being fair, but I shall impose that on the volleyball team. I will become the very best, the cream of the crop. I will work hard and make you feel my wrath. I shall become the very best of the team. I will fight for a space in the seniors spot. I will make them beg for mercy. I shall crush all those who comes in between me and my top position. I shall work on my skills, make them twice, no, three times better than yours and by the time you try to catch up, it'll all be too late. I will make sure that I will be the best in terms of volleyball. Crushed dreams, you shall fuel me to my ultimate goal.
Damn it. Just cause of one stupid girl I am going to ruin everybody's dream? I will be the best. You won't know what hit you. I can be cruel. Just piss me off and you'll get it.
Well, I'll go calm myself down before destroying more people's hopes and dreams. Good luck to all those people. I'm pretty sure you're gonna need it when you find out what I'm capable of.
Cheeseball.
Hmm. Now my best friends are like still damn awesome. :) I've got friends to confide in and I feel so much better cause they make me feel like I'm wanted.I know that I have mood swings. I can't help it sometimes. I just want to feel normal sometimes. Sigh. It depressing that I can get jealous of my friends if they get closer to other people more than me. I'm weird. I wonder whether is it a good thing that I put my friends as a priority? I feel like I'm thinking too much sometimes. It's probably just me, missing my old friends where I was more welcome, with people who understood me better and treated me without being so judgmental and skeptical. Is it because of our different capabilities so that's why we're treated differently. Its so different being a teenager and being just a young child. You have different feelings of being accepted. When you were younger, you were friends if you liked each other. But now, there are more factors relating to being friends. If you're not friends with the popular people, you'll never have friends. Now, it's more to doing what's popular rather than what's nice to you. You wouldn't like it if you were looked down for liking something someone else doesn't like. Life's unfair. You were born with the wrong kind of genes, you'll never have friends. You just have to find someone else that accepts you without judging before you can enjoy peace. Or you'll just be a loner and you'll also enjoy peace.
I have friends. I love them. As in like friends. I miss them already. They're the best things that has happened to me ever since I came to this school. My best friends are Andrea, Alyaa and Qin En ~ I don't know whether they feel the same way though. But still. I really wanna spend more time with them. They're like the awesomest people I've ever met. Gosh. I'm obsessed with my friends. Dang. But I kinda felt emo-ish. Then jealous. Then I think I ruined the whole friendship. I feel so sad. I don't know. Maybe its the stress. Maybe it's the environment. Or maybe, it's just me. I miss their hugs. Dang it.
I realize I write lengthy paragraphs. I don't know why either. But it's kinda difficult to read. Damn. I want to let more people know about this blog, but no one would look at it anyways. Sigh.
The EOYs just ended. I got 3rd in the level even though I failed one subject. Like seriously. 37/100. For Higher Mother Tongue. I'm so sad now. Cause I'm supposed to get 2nd. I made sure ! Its just that the stupid Rae go and take my 2nd place by 0.1 marks. She didn't come for the exam and was pro-rated. BITCH. Like that also can. I would do the same. I shall crush you. I don't care. You're making me feel so evil. I just want to crush your dreams Rae. Watch out. I'll come after you. This I swear. Don't make me destroy the very little friends you have. Trust me. I've got my ways.
Anyway, now that I feel evil, I'm gonna let it all out... I don't know why either but she's made me feel so pissed at this school. I feel like working so hard and crushing other people's dreams. I know I'm capable. Let me just unleash the monster in me. I am capable. I will destroy dreams and you will feel like never going back. You'll feel so helpless and completely give up. I know I'm not being fair, but I shall impose that on the volleyball team. I will become the very best, the cream of the crop. I will work hard and make you feel my wrath. I shall become the very best of the team. I will fight for a space in the seniors spot. I will make them beg for mercy. I shall crush all those who comes in between me and my top position. I shall work on my skills, make them twice, no, three times better than yours and by the time you try to catch up, it'll all be too late. I will make sure that I will be the best in terms of volleyball. Crushed dreams, you shall fuel me to my ultimate goal.
Damn it. Just cause of one stupid girl I am going to ruin everybody's dream? I will be the best. You won't know what hit you. I can be cruel. Just piss me off and you'll get it.
Well, I'll go calm myself down before destroying more people's hopes and dreams. Good luck to all those people. I'm pretty sure you're gonna need it when you find out what I'm capable of.
Cheeseball.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Letter to the Heavens.
Dear Toh Xiao Ting,
Dang. 3 years ago, I was still crying. 3 years ago, I was whining and trying to believe that it was not true. 3 years ago, it was your funeral.
I'm so sorry I missed your funeral. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend. I'm sorry. I would give anything to spend more time with you. You left the world 3 years ago, 24 Oct 2008. I missed you so much. Please Xiao Ting, I would give anything for you to play volleyball with me. You changed me. You were like my longest and one of the closest friends at that time. We were the best of pals. We played volleyball together. If you were here, you'll remember right? Remember that deal you made with Mr Lim, the volleyball coach, in P4? He said he would treat you, Pennie or me if we could do 50 continuous digging against the wall. You did it ! And we were so happy ! You raised it up and managed to do 100 continuously ! You won the bet ! And did you remember the times when we walked back home together ? Did you remember the times we waited for each other at the void deck to go training together ? Did you remember the times where your dad sent the both of us to school for training? Did you remember enjoying and having so much fun playing volleyball like I did with you? Did you remember the both of us upset that you had to quit? Did you remember that you were about to join volleyball again just before you died? Did you remember that you were the best setter I've ever had? You would if you were still around wouldn't you?
I missed you like crazy. You know how much it hurts when I play volleyball? I could remember you playing in that hall at Hong Kah Primary. I could remember the screams of volleyballers. I could remember you there. You played with us. You were so smart at volleyball. I've always admired you for your volleyball skills. You were always better than me. In every aspect. I trained hard to beat you only in one thing. Strength. That's the only thing I had that I could beat you in. I'm sorry. I just missed you so much.
I still remember that phone call. Hao Wai called me. She told me you died. I was in disbelief. I cried at night. I prayed that it was not too late. You died at 3.40 pm. I was watching a chinese show with Jessica Hsu inside. I remember the scene. I remember ignoring the ambulance sound. I remembered crying. I'm sorry. I miss you.
It hurts every time I play volleyball. It hurts every time my team mates call me setter. It hurts if I hear your name called. Just the slightest bit. I'm sorry. It still hurts. I just want to say I miss you.
Remember in P1 where you broke your arm? I wanted to help you but so did Nelly. She was your cousin. She won. I felt defeated and sad. A few years later, I asked you why you broke your arm, you replied me that you were jumping around on the sofa and you broke it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be your friend be it in volleyball and in class. I'm sorry.
3 years ago now, I was crying myself to sleep. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to believe my parents when they said not to believe that you died. I tried to, but somewhere deep down, I knew you had already left. I'm sorry. I want you back. Please, just play volleyball with me once more. I know we can be the best teamwork out of all the team members. Somehow, I wanted you to set the ball back for me once more for me to spike it over.
The last year we had in primary school, it was dedicated to you. We wanted to present you with a trophy. And we did. You had always been in our hearts. I miss you.
I miss you. I'm sorry. Good bye my dear friend. I set this as a final farewell to you. I shall leave all my past memories all behind me. RIP Toh Xiao Ting. I will remember you always.
Love,
Me.
Dang. 3 years ago, I was still crying. 3 years ago, I was whining and trying to believe that it was not true. 3 years ago, it was your funeral.
I'm so sorry I missed your funeral. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend. I'm sorry. I would give anything to spend more time with you. You left the world 3 years ago, 24 Oct 2008. I missed you so much. Please Xiao Ting, I would give anything for you to play volleyball with me. You changed me. You were like my longest and one of the closest friends at that time. We were the best of pals. We played volleyball together. If you were here, you'll remember right? Remember that deal you made with Mr Lim, the volleyball coach, in P4? He said he would treat you, Pennie or me if we could do 50 continuous digging against the wall. You did it ! And we were so happy ! You raised it up and managed to do 100 continuously ! You won the bet ! And did you remember the times when we walked back home together ? Did you remember the times we waited for each other at the void deck to go training together ? Did you remember the times where your dad sent the both of us to school for training? Did you remember enjoying and having so much fun playing volleyball like I did with you? Did you remember the both of us upset that you had to quit? Did you remember that you were about to join volleyball again just before you died? Did you remember that you were the best setter I've ever had? You would if you were still around wouldn't you?
I missed you like crazy. You know how much it hurts when I play volleyball? I could remember you playing in that hall at Hong Kah Primary. I could remember the screams of volleyballers. I could remember you there. You played with us. You were so smart at volleyball. I've always admired you for your volleyball skills. You were always better than me. In every aspect. I trained hard to beat you only in one thing. Strength. That's the only thing I had that I could beat you in. I'm sorry. I just missed you so much.
I still remember that phone call. Hao Wai called me. She told me you died. I was in disbelief. I cried at night. I prayed that it was not too late. You died at 3.40 pm. I was watching a chinese show with Jessica Hsu inside. I remember the scene. I remember ignoring the ambulance sound. I remembered crying. I'm sorry. I miss you.
It hurts every time I play volleyball. It hurts every time my team mates call me setter. It hurts if I hear your name called. Just the slightest bit. I'm sorry. It still hurts. I just want to say I miss you.
Remember in P1 where you broke your arm? I wanted to help you but so did Nelly. She was your cousin. She won. I felt defeated and sad. A few years later, I asked you why you broke your arm, you replied me that you were jumping around on the sofa and you broke it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be your friend be it in volleyball and in class. I'm sorry.
3 years ago now, I was crying myself to sleep. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to believe my parents when they said not to believe that you died. I tried to, but somewhere deep down, I knew you had already left. I'm sorry. I want you back. Please, just play volleyball with me once more. I know we can be the best teamwork out of all the team members. Somehow, I wanted you to set the ball back for me once more for me to spike it over.
The last year we had in primary school, it was dedicated to you. We wanted to present you with a trophy. And we did. You had always been in our hearts. I miss you.
I miss you. I'm sorry. Good bye my dear friend. I set this as a final farewell to you. I shall leave all my past memories all behind me. RIP Toh Xiao Ting. I will remember you always.
Love,
Me.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Today. 29.04.11
Today. Was. Mundane. :( Bored beyond imagination. Disturbed and creeped out by the number of people going to a single rally. I know that next Saturday was like polling day... But still... Do you really need how many thousand people to occupy the parking lots? We had a hard time going home. >:( Terrible. Haiz.
Anyways, I love it how this blog is like unknown. HEHEHEHEH. Cause I keep on changing the name of the URL and stuffs. It seems weird how life evolves. Think about it. At some point in time, you would have bound to feel unwanted, maybe even rejected by the community. Then, depressive. But after confiding in someone you trust, you are fuelled by joy and suddenly, you feel happy. I guess it's kinda like mood swing huh. But it's your friends who give you moral support and help.
I really like having friends. They are valuable and to me, they are the best kinds of counsellors there are in the whole wide world. I love them a lot and I'll never leave them by choice. Really. I love you guys. :D
Cheeseball.
Anyways, I love it how this blog is like unknown. HEHEHEHEH. Cause I keep on changing the name of the URL and stuffs. It seems weird how life evolves. Think about it. At some point in time, you would have bound to feel unwanted, maybe even rejected by the community. Then, depressive. But after confiding in someone you trust, you are fuelled by joy and suddenly, you feel happy. I guess it's kinda like mood swing huh. But it's your friends who give you moral support and help.
I really like having friends. They are valuable and to me, they are the best kinds of counsellors there are in the whole wide world. I love them a lot and I'll never leave them by choice. Really. I love you guys. :D
Cheeseball.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Growing up.
Seems like Imma gonna die soon. Metaphorically speaking of course. :)
In the short period of time since I last posted, I've got a new best friend, namely Han Qin En. :D (damn happy about that fact :D) She's nice, awesome and reminds me of Sarah. <3 I miss Sarah, and I kinda see a bit of Sarah in QinEn. <33
I am growing up. Turning 14 in about 1 month. Wow. So MUCH longer till my birthday.. :D Well, its like 9.30pm. On a school night. :D Mommy is out celebrating Ci Icha's Bday while I, due to lack of phone life (battery), am at home trying to get to sleep. :D
I don't feel very happy nowadays. I don't know why. Today I found out I wasn't captain. So sad. Anyways, I'll try harder next year :) VOLLEYBALL, I'LL NEVER QUIT. NO MATTER WHAT. :D Softball, I love you too, but unfortunately, I am attached physically and emotionally to Volleyball. I am sorry... :)
Moody-ness is very critical in growing up. Seriously. I love it how you get special privileges and all but still, you have responsibilities and your mindset starts to change... Pfft. How I wish I could go back to kindergarten, where the hardest choice was deciding the colours needed to colour a picture... :)
I miss a lot of stuff from my childhood. Haiz. I was thinking, how this blog is kinda unknown... :) Well, its an online diary right? I write my feelings inside it right? I am doing it the correct way then? :D I hope so.
Btw, before I end this post, I just decided to let you know that... Umm... I wanna have my new story blog. Its my blog where I write stories. Idon't know what but I'll figure something out. :) Anyway its late. Gotta sleep soon. Nights.
<3 and xoxoxoxoxo to all :)
In the short period of time since I last posted, I've got a new best friend, namely Han Qin En. :D (damn happy about that fact :D) She's nice, awesome and reminds me of Sarah. <3 I miss Sarah, and I kinda see a bit of Sarah in QinEn. <33
I am growing up. Turning 14 in about 1 month. Wow. So MUCH longer till my birthday.. :D Well, its like 9.30pm. On a school night. :D Mommy is out celebrating Ci Icha's Bday while I, due to lack of phone life (battery), am at home trying to get to sleep. :D
I don't feel very happy nowadays. I don't know why. Today I found out I wasn't captain. So sad. Anyways, I'll try harder next year :) VOLLEYBALL, I'LL NEVER QUIT. NO MATTER WHAT. :D Softball, I love you too, but unfortunately, I am attached physically and emotionally to Volleyball. I am sorry... :)
Moody-ness is very critical in growing up. Seriously. I love it how you get special privileges and all but still, you have responsibilities and your mindset starts to change... Pfft. How I wish I could go back to kindergarten, where the hardest choice was deciding the colours needed to colour a picture... :)
I miss a lot of stuff from my childhood. Haiz. I was thinking, how this blog is kinda unknown... :) Well, its an online diary right? I write my feelings inside it right? I am doing it the correct way then? :D I hope so.
Btw, before I end this post, I just decided to let you know that... Umm... I wanna have my new story blog. Its my blog where I write stories. Idon't know what but I'll figure something out. :) Anyway its late. Gotta sleep soon. Nights.
<3 and xoxoxoxoxo to all :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hellos :D
Hellos :D Long time no update. Heheh :D Today is 25 March 2011 :D I am so happy-ish cause I am watching Hello Baby.Wow. Its so funny. My sis hear me laugh say I like crazy already ... LOL. Anyways, I remembered that I have a blog and decide to let you guys have some recommendations:
-Hello Baby SHINee
- Pi Li MIT
- Hot Shot
-Down with Love
-Hi My Sweetheart
These are the ones that I happen to remember... Haiz.. I love shows, its just that I no longer have the time to watch. I still do whenever I can but its not that often anymore. Anyways, I recently injured my hand. (cuz I never do warm up properly) Now whenever there is a pain wave( just like Zombie vs Plants) it comes straight through the elbow downwards. Damn pain. Last Wednesday I cried cause I play Vball and when I serve it hurts damn pain so like yeah. I CRIED. Man, how embarrassing... Now I can't do sports cause my friends don't let me, scared I injured my hand and cannot play during the July Tournament...
I have 2 CCAs the last time I checked and now, I have an expiry date for one of them. :( For softball, I can only play until we finish the nationals then I say good bye... :( Aww. So sad right? Still, I love it and would still want to play it again and again in the future :)
Haiz. Back to the most important thing. My arm.(Okay lah... Not so important. But still...) It was swollen. On Wednesday and Thursday. On Wednesday, it was like swollen and bluish. Haiz. They didn't let me play in the last few points for volleyball :( So sad. On thursday, softball people like CAPTAIN, didn't allow to touch almost anything. I was bored. To death. X.X Heheh. I know that they're doing this for my own good but still I want to play. I can do it. Trust me. I can play and improve and still be able to play during the tournaments. Seriously. Have faith dudes, and dudettes. :) I can do it. Jiayous!!!
Well, time is short. Imma gonna go back watch my Hello Baby and laugh at their antics :D Good bye. :)
Cheeseball.
-Hello Baby SHINee
- Pi Li MIT
- Hot Shot
-Down with Love
-Hi My Sweetheart
These are the ones that I happen to remember... Haiz.. I love shows, its just that I no longer have the time to watch. I still do whenever I can but its not that often anymore. Anyways, I recently injured my hand. (cuz I never do warm up properly) Now whenever there is a pain wave( just like Zombie vs Plants) it comes straight through the elbow downwards. Damn pain. Last Wednesday I cried cause I play Vball and when I serve it hurts damn pain so like yeah. I CRIED. Man, how embarrassing... Now I can't do sports cause my friends don't let me, scared I injured my hand and cannot play during the July Tournament...
I have 2 CCAs the last time I checked and now, I have an expiry date for one of them. :( For softball, I can only play until we finish the nationals then I say good bye... :( Aww. So sad right? Still, I love it and would still want to play it again and again in the future :)
Haiz. Back to the most important thing. My arm.(Okay lah... Not so important. But still...) It was swollen. On Wednesday and Thursday. On Wednesday, it was like swollen and bluish. Haiz. They didn't let me play in the last few points for volleyball :( So sad. On thursday, softball people like CAPTAIN, didn't allow to touch almost anything. I was bored. To death. X.X Heheh. I know that they're doing this for my own good but still I want to play. I can do it. Trust me. I can play and improve and still be able to play during the tournaments. Seriously. Have faith dudes, and dudettes. :) I can do it. Jiayous!!!
Well, time is short. Imma gonna go back watch my Hello Baby and laugh at their antics :D Good bye. :)
Cheeseball.
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