Dear Toh Xiao Ting,
Dang. 3 years ago, I was still crying. 3 years ago, I was whining and trying to believe that it was not true. 3 years ago, it was your funeral.
I'm so sorry I missed your funeral. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend. I'm sorry. I would give anything to spend more time with you. You left the world 3 years ago, 24 Oct 2008. I missed you so much. Please Xiao Ting, I would give anything for you to play volleyball with me. You changed me. You were like my longest and one of the closest friends at that time. We were the best of pals. We played volleyball together. If you were here, you'll remember right? Remember that deal you made with Mr Lim, the volleyball coach, in P4? He said he would treat you, Pennie or me if we could do 50 continuous digging against the wall. You did it ! And we were so happy ! You raised it up and managed to do 100 continuously ! You won the bet ! And did you remember the times when we walked back home together ? Did you remember the times we waited for each other at the void deck to go training together ? Did you remember the times where your dad sent the both of us to school for training? Did you remember enjoying and having so much fun playing volleyball like I did with you? Did you remember the both of us upset that you had to quit? Did you remember that you were about to join volleyball again just before you died? Did you remember that you were the best setter I've ever had? You would if you were still around wouldn't you?
I missed you like crazy. You know how much it hurts when I play volleyball? I could remember you playing in that hall at Hong Kah Primary. I could remember the screams of volleyballers. I could remember you there. You played with us. You were so smart at volleyball. I've always admired you for your volleyball skills. You were always better than me. In every aspect. I trained hard to beat you only in one thing. Strength. That's the only thing I had that I could beat you in. I'm sorry. I just missed you so much.
I still remember that phone call. Hao Wai called me. She told me you died. I was in disbelief. I cried at night. I prayed that it was not too late. You died at 3.40 pm. I was watching a chinese show with Jessica Hsu inside. I remember the scene. I remember ignoring the ambulance sound. I remembered crying. I'm sorry. I miss you.
It hurts every time I play volleyball. It hurts every time my team mates call me setter. It hurts if I hear your name called. Just the slightest bit. I'm sorry. It still hurts. I just want to say I miss you.
Remember in P1 where you broke your arm? I wanted to help you but so did Nelly. She was your cousin. She won. I felt defeated and sad. A few years later, I asked you why you broke your arm, you replied me that you were jumping around on the sofa and you broke it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be your friend be it in volleyball and in class. I'm sorry.
3 years ago now, I was crying myself to sleep. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to believe my parents when they said not to believe that you died. I tried to, but somewhere deep down, I knew you had already left. I'm sorry. I want you back. Please, just play volleyball with me once more. I know we can be the best teamwork out of all the team members. Somehow, I wanted you to set the ball back for me once more for me to spike it over.
The last year we had in primary school, it was dedicated to you. We wanted to present you with a trophy. And we did. You had always been in our hearts. I miss you.
I miss you. I'm sorry. Good bye my dear friend. I set this as a final farewell to you. I shall leave all my past memories all behind me. RIP Toh Xiao Ting. I will remember you always.
Love,
Me.
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