Holidays.

Dang it. The holidays are here. All I want is to go out but Amelia and Pauline got work. :( Damn it. Sigh. I am confused with myself. I don't know what I want. I don't like them, I like them. I look at them, my blood boil. Dang it. I swear, I will have war with softballers. I don't care. I dislike them. Softball and volleyball just don't match with each other. Sigh. The holidays just started. Actually, almost 2 weeks already. I avoid softballers. I see them, it makes me mad. You know what else hurts ? Knowing that your best friend is in softball. I just want to have a normal "Hi, bye" relationship, but everytime I see them, I want to storm off and break something. SERIOUSLY. GODDAMNIT.

Oh. Today I saw Qin En, Angie, Marilyn, Rachel and don't know who else. Even though they never do anything to me, I FEEL DAMN FUCKED UP K. Wah. I swear. Somemore Qin En say never see me. UGH. Don't like her. HMPFH. Not gonna talk to her. :( Sigh. It's complicated. You know, there's a little bit of love in every hate and a little bit of hate in every love? I finally understood that. I loved softball so much that now, it has been replaced with hate. And now, I will never change that feeling. I just want to destroy them. Sigh. I still want to crush everybody's dream. I AM GETTING EVIL-ER BY THE DAY !!! :O Gosh. If this continues, I might just want to rule the world !!! :P LOL. Not gonna happen.

I am starting to like volleyball more. Now, I just need to control my strength. I can serve float ball already ! Very HAPPY. :D But then, I don't like Coach ley. He today. See his own original batch from Outram that come to play friendly match. Wow. Cannot stop singing praises one. Like that. HMPFH. And I don't like he everytime say I got pattern. You know how annoying it is? I, for once, would prefer if we had the friendly attitude, not the "you're just my coach" kind of attitude. I get so freaking jealous over everything. I hate myself. Might as well die then okay.

UGH. I swear. If I can't even maintain my friendship with Qin En, I might as well go bang wall and die. Like seriously. UGH. I am such a terrible friend. :( I am ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry. I just don't like to see softballers. They make my blood boil. It's like smelling a foul smell, I just want to get away as far as I can and as fast as I can. :( I'm sorry for being this way. I just want to be myself. I can't help it. I just treasure my friends a lot. I would do anything for them. Seriously. I am just a mere girl. I can't help my traits. I'm sorry. I'm so terrible. GAHHH. I can go bang wall already. :(

Sigh. I just don't want the same mistake to happen again. Cause I know, if the friendship is over, I'm gonna hate you. For life. Oh well. It's not the present. But if it's you, I'm pretty sure I won't. :) Hopefully.

I wonder if Andrea found this yet. Damn it. It's been so long since her birthday. Don't tell me, she really didn't figure it out. Seriously. She didn't shade the other page ? Or did she throw the card already. Maybe, just maybe she has forgotten about it. Oh well. Maybe that way it's better. Cause I'm not sure I can look at her without feeling anger. Or pissed just cause she's a softballer. UGH.

DAMNIT. I DON'T WANT SOFTBALL TO RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP I HAVE WITH MY FRIENDS OVER THERE. Well, some of them are mere peers or much more of acquaintances and schoolmates. Sigh. I don't want to think anymore. I will cut again. Seriously. :(

Good night.